Sunday, October 10, 2004

Welcome to Sportswood: Girly Manning &c

Stupid goddamn Colts. Sean Salisbury, the former mediocre NFL QB and current mediocre ESPN blatherer recently stated, "The Colts might be the best team in the AFC right now." After Salisbury told Michael Irvin on-air during a (never re-aired) segment of the ESPN Super Bowl postgame show, "You need to go take a drug test," he should've pulled a Costanza, said, "You've been great," announced his retirement and walked off the set. One of the feckless rumpswabs on CBS said he would take Peyton Manning over Tom Brady. Superstars and superstar worship are easier for subpar announcers to discuss, the league to market, and morons to understand.

Let me tell you something about Peyton Manning and the Colts. Manning takes it up the ass. The Colts take it up the ass. And they will continue taking it up the ass until they beat the Patriots and Tom Brady. Three of the Patriots' record 19 straight have come against the Colts, including the AFC Champeenship last season, when twinkle toes Manning tossed five picks, and Brady didn't.

Manning went to the then-shitty team that picked him, so that puts him ahead of his turdling brother Eli (and who names their kid after Jason Bateman's fat sidekick on "It's Your Move, anyway?), who simpered like a little bitch when the Chargers picked him, forcing them to deal his selfish ass to the football Giants. But Peyton squeezed the Colts to the point that they had to cut several players to give him a $34 million upfront signing bonus (that's almost $7 mil per pick!). I don't begrudge him making as much as he can, but he shouldn't begrudge people questioning his priorities--knocking a few mil off might have enabled his TEAM to add some guys that would increase the chances of the TEAM winning a Championship.

Football is a TEAM game and the Colts are NOT the best TEAM until and unless they earn it. Ric Flair declared, "If you wanna be the man, you gotta beat the man." So beat Brady, take Buzz Tightyear out of your ass and then you can be the man, okay girly Manning?


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